Coming Out: a Guide

There isn’t a right or a wrong way of coming out. Everyone’s circumstances are different and you know what feels best for you. We have listed a couple of approaches as examples:

• sharing with the world on social media (although be careful with this)
• writing a letter to your closest friend and/or family
• texting your mum
• asking your friends to attend Pride with you
• step by step disclosing your identity and orientation to your community

How to come out to your parents, family or friends

Coming out to your parents or friends can be an incredibly stressful thing to do and you may be worried about their reaction if they have not previously expressed support for the wider LGBT community (or worse, they have openly expressed a negative opinion).

Safety

The very first thing to consider is your own safety. Does your background and your resources allow you to come out safely? 

If so, then that is great and you can move forward, but equally if your safety is in danger, then not coming out may be the best option for now until your circumstances change. There may always be some small changes or ramifications from coming out, but they should not endanger your personal safety. If you feel in danger, then please contact a LGBTQ helpline.

Dipping your Toes

If you are unsure about the reaction you will get, you can try ‘dipping your toes’ by gauging how they react to other LGBTQ+ people. You could mention a LGBT celebrity, acquaintance or show. If you’re feeling brave enough, you could allude to your own sexual orientation or gender identity by dropping hints to gauge their reaction.

Trust

If you’re apprehensive about coming out, then it is especially important to consider who to come out to first. Your parents may not be the first people you want to confide in. You want to make sure that you have a supportive friend/relative there for you that you can trust 100% when coming out. You may not feel the need for that if you have a good relationship with your parents and you know they will be supportive. But if not, then consider carefully who you will tell first. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is this person LGBTQ+ friendly?
2. Will this person keep this information to themselves or are they likely to share it with others?
3. What are the consequences if they respond negatively?
4. Will this person 100% support me when others react badly?

Sharing

Once you have considered all of the above, you can now choose to come out to your parents or friends. There are a lot of examples of how you can approach this. Some include:

• practicing what you want to say by writing it all down first (make sure you keep it somewhere safe!)
• write a letter instead of having a conversation
• call them on the phone if you would rather not do it in person
• choose a quiet time and a calm environment (not at a wedding with lots of other people)

How to come out as bi

For bisexual people, coming out can present some unique challenges. A lot of bisexuals face skepticism from both outside and within the LGBTQ community. Furthermore, there is a real bi-erasure and bisexual invisibility at play as bisexuals are often ignored and excluded from traditional LGBTQ spaces. All of this can make it more complicated to come out to friends and family. 

If you need help with coming out or with the effects of having come out, see below for the many resources to support you in this process!