Being cruel to myself: what I learned turning 30

People used to tell me life was over when you were 30. It isn’t over, it’s just different.

I may not have the beautiful body and perfect skin I had in my 20’s, but I’m distinctly wiser, and far more confident.

When I look back on my 20’s, I was aesthetically beautiful, but I was inherently unhappy. I put an immense pressure on myself to succeed, to the detriment of my emotional and mental health. I wasn’t able to love wholeheartedly. I wasn’t able to let people in. To escape the sense of detachment and loneliness, I just worked. The harder I worked, the lonelier I became. The lonelier I became, the harder I worked to shield myself from my own feelings.

I did so much damage to myself. I was so cruel to myself. I hurt myself, lots.

Turning 30 helped me understand how limited our time is on this wonderful and crazy planet. I don’t want to be on my deathbed wishing I’d lived a different life. Before that, I just wasn’t able to break from my unhealthy patterns. Turning 30 helped me realise I had far greater potential than I was ever affording myself, and only I had the power to make something of it.

At 30, I gave up my successful banking career to live a life based on my authentic self. I made a commitment to myself to follow my dreams, and begin nurturing relationships of love, compassion, and kindness. At 32, I am infinitely happier, and feel grateful every day for being able to live my truer self.

The confidence I have today could never have existed within me in my 20’s. Yet, I could not have found my confidence without the experiences I went through in my 20’s. Life at 30 isn’t over, its only just beginning.

Author: Little Miss James
Pronouns: he/they
Titles: Personal Trainer, Fitness Instructor, Blogger, Deep Feeler, Dreams of my happily ever after

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